PS :This post has got nothing to with my life..this one is a short story my first piece of work that was appreciated..wrote it when I was in my eighth grade..So..heres my first short story.. :)

"IT WAS THE LAST BUS..."

It was raining heavily..I was completely drenched in rain when I reached the bus stand..I loved rain..but not today because I didn't want to miss my bus ..I checked my watch ; Na i wasn't late..it was only 6pm..and the bus was scheduled to start within 30 minutes..I was happy to find a vacant window seat..He was supposed to reach before me...I wondered what kept him too long....Rain was still pouring..

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I remember the expression he had when I asked him whether he was ready to live in a safe place where he could sleep peacefully without an empty stomach..At first he stared at me..he was bewildered by a question that too from a stranger he had met 3 days back...He murmured something...and said "paanch rupiah madam" I guess I got the answer..I payed him for the bouquet he gave me..He grabbed it and in the next second he was invisible within the crowd that had gathered at the beach..I dint get much time to convince him...I was sad at his response..

Sister Angelica was right may be he was used to his way of living..She had advised me not to get so close to the boy whom I had met just 2 days back after my arrival .By profession I am a writer working for a small magazine named Voice..I often took leave from my busy schedules to visit Angelica who was my mother sister father everything..I loved being at her place..She owned a small house with a beautiful garden facing the beach..I got the feeling of being in a fantasy world whenever I visited her place..Most of the stories I wrote were born here right here at her place...Lying on her lap I thought of him...I thought about our first meet..

I was having a look at the most spectacular sunset when i felt a small pat on my shoulder..I found a small boy of 6 or 7..with a basket full of handmade bouquets..He was dark and thin and wore pants too big for his size..He had lot of scratches and burns on his body..but he had a bright smile on his face..I returned his smile..He wasn't looking at me but at the sketch of the sunset I had made..I gave him the sketch..his fingers traced along the sketch and the letters written below it...I bought a bouquet from him and asked him to keep the sketch..

May be I was too quick...But all I wanted was to help him... I didn't know what brought me close to this little one.I didn't know where he lived..he had tears in his eyes when I asked about his parents..I recognized the pain in those tears the pain of an orphan..an abandoned life..He had fear in his eyes..he did fear something or someone..may be that was why he neglected my offer.

It was Sister Angelica who woke me up the next day to let me know that I had a visitor..I could get her from her smile who the visitor was...I rushed outside to meet him.He was wearing the same khaki pant...the same cute smile..but he had a new-imprint on his left cheek..a fresh burn.. He kept a distance from me.. It took a while for me to put up the same question again in front of him..This time he gave me a quick nod..He promised to meet me at the bus stand...and left quickly before I could say a word..

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The rain had finally stopped pouring..I rechecked my watch. 10 more minutes..I tried to relax and not to worry..I decided to take ticket for two..to my surprise instead of tickets the conductor handled me a cover..He said someone had left it for me when I was sleeping..I found a rolled sheet of paper and a bouquet in it..As I unrolled the paper tears started to roll down..it was the sketch of the sunset..

I could hear the voice of the cleaner shouting " ..last bus.. this is the last bus...."

Yeah it was the last bus....

****

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Our most powerful school memories don't revolve around the teachers you had or the subjects you studied, but instead have to do with your relationships with other students..My best days were spent at Silver Hills Public school where I did my 11th and 12th..I have always been looking for a reunion there. It finally became a reality on Aug 22nd...I got the chance to visit the place where a whole lot of memories lived..a place where I found intense friendship,where I saw crushes getting crushed.. the laughter and cheer that remained even amidst the stressful homeworks and entrance classes... the miseries of being bullied, teased, and lonely..it was a complete package...I really didnt know the value of school life till my college life started..and may be I wont find the best things about college life till it ends ironic isnt it...........

I have found new friends..but dnt know why they dont reach up to my old buddies..School life was always a heaven..I dint realize it when I cursed about the long and long chemical equation,when I felt suffocated with all the entrance classes,when I had areal good time with my friends at annual day,when I became a senior and with that tag on the forehead I met the juniors,when I had to fill the slambooks...began to realize it slowly at the farewell day when I felt I wont meet half of the people again...when my friends went for orientation.. when they said about their new roommates and new schedules...It finally hit me as I walked towards the class where I was going to spend 4 years of my life as an engineering student..As I shook hands with my new classmate, a perfect stranger ,I murmured to myself aaah that idiot at school was indeed my best buddy :)..

So you people may think I am an emotional idiot, I am :)And that was the reason why I never missed any reunions..When most of my batch-mates gave silly reasons for not attending it..I lacked reasons for expecting every faces..Our last reunion was a real success...this time more people turned up..saw many faces which were getting blurred in my memory lane..

Most of them had changed..the smallest boy the chottu of our batch has now grown tall...taller than me :-o..pata nahi iske peeche horlicks yah complan ka haath he :)..The girl we often remarked as a talkative was no longer a chatter box..never thought she would become this silent..the girl who looked like a skeleton now had put on some weight and was now a terror among the juniors at her college..she said she was at the edge of getting suspended for ragging..my mouth was literally open..she exactly resembled a chottu skeleton during the school days..even now she hasnt gained much weight..and I dont know how she managed to get that terror tag :D..Most of the silent ones were now the violent ones..and vice versa..Some had put on weight..Few among them remained the same.Our class teacher himslef had undergone a real transformation..he finally started to crack some jokes..he used to be like a terminator..expressionless face..not much friendly..yeah the title was apt for him..he too had changed..he now seemed to be trying hard for a renaissance :P Few among them remained the same..As it was held on a sunday..we were free to roam around the classes..we walked across the corridors where we used to race each other..our class..the chemistry lab which reminded me about the salt tests..where breaking test tubes was once like a competition.. and there were people who earned name and fame for the number of test tubes they broke :D the lab assistant who considered himself as a collector :)the physics lab...which was the most boring lab for me :) Our most favorite computer lab where we used to conduct conferences while teacher took class..the project we had..the seminars about the topics we even dont clearly know about.....as we traveled throughout the path we once covered...whole lot of memories flashed..I missed one face among all...a face which I wont be able to see again..When I saw people clicking photos and posing..I wished to have one with my best buddy who is now in heaven at god's place..I missed him..I missed his talks..whenever I was with him I felt time was never enough for our talks never ended..I rarely checked my watch when I was with him for he was never out of things to talk upon..He always wanted to have a real big reunion..and when finally everyone found their time to meet up..he left us ..He was definitely a missing element for the reunion at least I missed him :)

Well the day was really special for me to meet a whole lot of faces I thought I would never see again..We spent about 3 hours there.. We were about to leave from a place where we all made a whole lot of memories to a completely different path...to a busy life..where you will see you best friend once at a random reunion or at some unexpected meeting.. ..I heard lots of promises of "keeping in touch",saw people exchanging their numbers,few of them cursing the other fellows who weren't able to turn up for the reunion,some of them complaining about the exams and assignments they had to complete on reaching hostel...

And we parted with a handshake a hug and a smile...Its going to be a month after the reunion and here I am still thinking about it and waiting for the next one..
yeh a stupid girl ryt?? :)

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I saw its first reflection when amma kissed me first on my forehead..it had that sweetness,it had the affection,it had the care..so it was supposed to be a mix of all these...When my father lifted me up and throwed me in air only to make me feel sure that I was safe in his hands..I found it had a new meaning..it made the feeling of secureness...It found an entirely different meaning through the times I spend with my brother..teasing,fighting,sharing,having pranks on one another...still at the end of the day a feeling of togetherness..So it happened to be something that I took for granted...

I later found its counterpart on my journey...they seemed to be similar in all respects..they make u blind..they give u fuzzy dream like memories... baseless fantasies.. their identities were something hard to distinguish..through the course of my journey I recognized the difference..its counter part makes you to look only the brighter side..it makes you head over heels for no apparent reason..most importantly..it is weakened by time and separation...yep thats what an Infatuation is...I have experienced it..pure immaturity :) Time erased it soo easily when I thought it wouldn't..It was just a feeling of being in love..

So wat is it?? The so called real "it"?? thats an euphoric feeling..quite understanding and mature acceptance of imperfection...Time made me realize the fact that it was something unconditional...where u dont look for reasons..or where u dont find a reason..caring about the happiness of another without a thought for what we might get for ourselves...like what our parents have for us..what we have for our friends..what we have for our loved ones..Each and everyone of us will definitely find it once..through our journey of life..Yep amidst the fake ones you will experience the real ones..some neglect it..some accept it..some fear to admit it...But it will always remain a sweet thing you have discovered on your journey..a sweet memory..which you will never regret of having ...

It is a magic brought out when those 4 letters get united---LOVE...

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Well this post is about a complete stranger who ended up being my best friend forever!!..We werent tat gud friends when we were in11th..Just class mates..

And the story behind the friendship...I blush even now when he brings up the topic..It was the most embarrassing moment for me...I dont believe am posting abt it...

It was the Christmas celebration of 12th!!! Everyone was busy showing off the presents given by their respective Christmas pals!!I still dont remember how it all started..who was the one who brought water balloons to our class..still searching 4 that idiot!!!! I was having fun clicking pics with my Digi cam brand new one..First attack if my memory is ryt was on sudheepta..the topper of bio group..she was attacked with the first water balloon if the reports are to be believed.. then there were several attacks...was laughing at the way people were running through the corridors to take revenge on one another...never knew I was going to be a victim shortly.

It all started when Aryan my bes-tie found a water balloon and started aiming at me....

Exactly at tat time I saw this guy in my class who was packing his bag and was getting ready to leave class..as if he was an alien in our planet..as if it didnt matter wat was going around him..he was in his corner of forest....(I know you are going to kill me for portraying u as an alien!!Friendhsip mein sab kuch chalta hein )So I just pointed at him and asked Aryan to aim at him instead of me..That was all I said..And the series of events what happened after that s history!!!I saw Aryan moving out of the class with his balloon..And I was about to leave the class..when something hit badly on me...I turned around and found I was attacked by a water balloon..but that wasn't what shocked me....when I saw the face behind the attack..I was literally shocked!!!!

The alien in our planet aka the so simple introvert,shy,guy..with a grin on his face..I swear I saw all of his 32 teeth...the guy did have an awesome smile..!!! But that wasn't what mattered..I was wet.and the thought that it was the alien who had attacked me made me mad...yep I was real mad!!!!When I saw that he was leaving...I filed my bottle full of water and tilted it..HE tried to block with AIEEE brochure..hell with the brochure..alien am going to evacuate you from our planet forever...I never knew that bottle can tilt on anyone it likes!!!He managed to tilt it and once again I was completely wet!!!!!!!!! The worst thing happened shortly..I slipped on the water spilled by me and fell on my back in front of the whole class!!!!!!!!!!!For a second I wanted to vanish into thin air..I wanted someone to kill me..I wanted to make a tunnel just there itself..I had mixed emotions..sad,angry,embarassed to the core,helpless,....The first face I saw showed an emotion of pathetic..I didnt have the nerve to face all..felt like the whole world was watching me..as if ..as if he was not the ALIEN it was ME!!!!I vowed not to bring tears and that too due to the mishap caused by that alien never!!FIGHT for yourself!!!I managed to get up somehow(yeah i was such a brave girl u see :P please dont feel bad while reading )..The alien who attacked me had become a native now and I was the alien...When I saw him I felt like I was seeing yam raj for the first time..except tat he didnt have a buffalo...but I could see his two big horns..big mustache..and his laugh llike thunder to my ears..I knew there was nothing to lose..I lost my mind..both my brain and concentration ran off together.and the next moment I was chasing him like a foooooooool!!!!..I raced him up and down the stairs and lost track of him....(learned later from him that he was relaxing in some class and was watching me running throughout the school!!! I know I was a pakka IDIOT)..Even chased him on my friends kinetic..and soon the news that my Digi cam was missing brought me back into the real world...Now I felt sad..I forgot all about the alien and soon everyone including the alien were engaged in searching for my cam...

I never got my cam back..it was lost :(..But those water balloon fights and the series of events that followed gave me a best friend...a friend forever..Though we dont study together now..we have parted our ways..different college..different life..but we haven't changed..though we meet rarely now...those unusual meetings are made sweeter with the crackle(diary milk not the fire crackers he isnt that bad!!:P) he brings with him... All I can say is that its been a sweet journey from balloons to crackles...

But my dear alien...I haven't forgotten the fact that I haven't taken my revenge....Its just that am still not good at aiming... :(

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She was born as younger one to her parents about which she never complained even when she knew that their expectations were high upon their son...Even when her amma used to tell her that they were soo precious for her just like both eyes for a human..but silently she said to herself how weak one of her amma's eyes were!!!

Somewhere , sometimes she silently wished if only she could be a boy...She never disliked her sibling..she was always fond of him..she was the one who always gave up when they fought for she knew silently that was what her amma silently wished for...She always thought how lucky he was...born as...excellent in academics,knowledge wasn't limited within his school books,he wrote amazing poetries and stories.... She always tried to match up with him but he was always, still is far beyond her reach...She had talents,but wasnt multi talented like him,she had stories which unlike his remained untold untill one of her teacher found her work good...when she bagged a prize for her story it too got lost amidst the prizes of her brother...but she never complained and believed what her amma said was right may be she got only a bit of her brothers talent in writing..She didn't complain...she still continued to write unlike him.. ... in fact she loved writing which her parents never knew and still they dont.....she felt some kind of peace..she wrote whatever came into her mind..May be that was why she loved her diary and thinks of her as her prized possession

She understood there wasnt any point in competing with him..for he had far faaar..faar... excelled..She didnt complain when her parents revealed that their happiest moment was the day when their son made them proud by making their dream true..for by now she knew where she was lost.... what she could never do for them?? She knew her dreams remained as such unlike his..He did everything she couldnt but she didnt complain..whether it was him or her at the end of which her parents were happy..

She never complained when her bestfriend backstabbed her..

She didnt complain when she knew she wasnt even worth loving..

She didnt complain when people made fun of her being an emotional weirdo

She didnt complain when people accused her for living in a fantasy world

She didnt complain when she learned people can be selfish and cruel even when they dont wish to be...

Only once did she complain when she felt God wasnt fair with her friend...

By now she started accepting things..she learned to nod but forgot to say no...with time....she found the imperfections in herself that gave her enough reasons for the way things were...

Never did she complain for those imperfections

as she felt those imperfections made her beautiful..unlike others...... :)

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The voice said "The Air-tel customer you are trying to call is currently switched off.. please try again later or you can leave your message in you voice@75 paise from your mobile"..Now the reality hit me..strangely it didnt pain this time....

Its true tat time flies,you dont realize the value of moments until it becomes a memory....all you try is to hold on to those memories so that they dont run away with time...I realized the value of each moment about 6 months back..I understood how precious each moment is!!!I realized it takes only a second for the world around u to change..anything can happen in a second...anything can happen that can leave your entire life full of regrets..full of disappointments...full of questions that will remain unanswered forever.....

It was exactly six months back that he decided to give up his lyf..he decided to leave the world for the happiness of others....From that day from that moment..I have been asking God for a wish...a wish that in one way or other he has to fulfill...Just for once bring him in front of me...just to anwer the questions that I have been facing after his departure...to know if there existed a way that could have lessened his pains...to know that he has forgiven me for not being there when he needed..

Like all other days,I started my day with the same prayer to the Almighty...A miracle ..just a miracle...They say when you pray with full faith and from the bottom of your heart..then God will never ignore your prayer..Today with all my faith I prayed"Lord!!!All I am asking for is once please for once..bring him in front of me from your paradise..I miss my friend a loot!! Couldn't tell him how special he was...I had always teased him always...I have always scolded him for disturbing my sleep by calling me late at night..he always slept late at night..Today all I wish for is a call I wont even mind if he calls me at midnight..I dont mind even if I dont get sleep because these days I rarely get good sleep..Most of my nights are spent staring at sky and searching among the stars for your face...You are definitely the brightest one among them..Lord I have never got a true friend like him..He had immense trust in me,,,I try to find him in each and every crowd..Believe me Lord I always end up finding someone similar to him..Please Lord you know everything..you have seen how his absence have affected me..I promise you I will never ever ask anything in my life..Please a miracle thats all I need Just a miracle please!!!!

I dont know whether I was insane because throughout the day I had a strong belief that I was going to see him...I was smiling the whole day..Something said that I was going to meet my best buddy today!! People around me constantly reminded that he was not going to return..and I was hurting his soul by crying over his loss again and again...Y cant he come back??Come on none of us know what happens after death so whats harm in wishing to see your departed loved ones..Energy never dies.. When we pass on our body will rest but our soul/energy will move in to a higher dimension The energy or soul can still watch over us or still listen to us..Tats what i believe.. How can you say that he is not going to meet me some day...when you dont have an idea about where you will be after death...May be I was crazy but I believed that I was going to see him today,may be a glance..Most of my college friends enquired what was the reason behind my happiness today..I simply smiled at them..On my way back from college I was searching each nook and corner of city for a sign..a sign from heaven..Neverthless nothing!!! I knew I was losing myself..but I decided to sort it out this time myself without dragging my lovable friends in this..

Slowly it started to rain!!!.."When shall we three meet again in rain thunder or lightning??...May be it was a sign from heaven!!...

I was all tired when I reached home..I was a bit disappointed...I have been asking through these days only for a small wish which even God couldn't fulfill...I terribly missed him..and once again went through those last messages he had sent me.. letting few tears escape.."Na I like taking ma breaks alone" I sat in my room reading those lines again and again..I dont remember for how long I was sitting there alone...I felt someone was sitting beside me in my room...

MY WISH!!!MY PRAYER!!! OH MY GOD U DO ANSWER PRAYERS...It was him my buddy wearing a blue t shirt and jean..but there was something unusual in his face..it lacked his sweet smile..But I was happy the face I wanted to see ,I wished to see for past 6 months was here right in front of me..I pinched myself..Ouch it pained!!No it wasnt a dream!! I was extremely happy that I couldnt control my tears..I had a lot to ask I wished time could freeze...Amidst my tears all I could choke out was the word "WHY??"

He was silent...and after a while he said in a calm tone "Life wasnt fair..It was totally messed up and It was the right time to end too !!"His face showed no emotions..My voice was getting weaker now.."Do ...you.. do you have any idea how much I missed you??" He turned and took my hands in his..this time he sounded sad..."You always kept your words..And I owe you for that..May be you would have helped if I let you know...but...leave it ..that was my fate...You are strong and you have to move on and you will...I cant stay longer" With those words he got up from my bed and moved to door...I was shouting after him to stay..stay for some more time...not to leave for friendships are meant to be forever..I begged "Please Stay please!!!" He smiled and waved at me " I wish I could ...will miss you"..and then before I could hold on to his hand he vanished into thin air..and I landed on floor.....I dint know what to do...What did I see now.. Was I dreaming???NO.. no this cant be a dream!!I couldnt be sleeping that too in the evening..I could touch him and I could recollect the way he sounded.....May be may be he was back..I dont know what I was thinking I rushed for my phone and punched his number praying to God to return those good old days!!I crossed my fingers wishing for the phone to ring..

It wasn't the voice I was expecting for...It was different..The voice said "The customer you are trying to call is currently switched off..please try again later or you can leave your message in you voice@75 paise from your mobile"..75 paise I can spent lots off money on voice messages if it can reach up to him..Now the reality hit me..strangely it didnt pain this time..because I was able to see him..even if it was... for once..for once that was all I had asked God for..God does answer..I still dont believe it was a dream..it was sooo real..May be God let him talk to me for a minute to help me out a little or something like that...Trust me !! God anwers to your prayer in one way or other the problem is you dont realize it...Or you never listen to them..

Hold on to your prayers!! Have faith...Soon you too will get a reply from heaven..

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Hmm..had nth to do so thought y not another post???Though this tym I have nth in my mind...Hmm still thinking!!!So y not analyse my life so far...The gains ,the losses,people I met people who left.....Dnt think I am in search for the answer to the question "WHO AM I??"Yeah infact tats sth i have to think abt...Bhuddha had a tree to sit he didnt have any labs he neither had loads of assignments nor semester exams to think of, so I dnt blame him!!

Ryt now am content with my life or its better to say that I have learned the art to move on with my life!!

Its time for a postmortem!!hmm...k..lets start then..The so called idiot (yeah thats me) was born on 12th DEC 1990..as the second child to my parents..!yahan pein bhi bhayya ne maari baazi!!hmm well if he was reserved,silent,introvert tyoe i was straight opposite!!!I spent my kindergarten days @ vadakara at a school named SREE NARYANA PUBLIC SCHOOL!!Amma says I was so brave during those days(lol) Well..theres a reason y she says so in fact I think those were the two incidents that gave the tag

1) On my way to home after my kg classes I found two stray dogs in our car shed!!They were relaxing there...But I was soooo brave that I let out a loud scream actually it wasn't a scream I was shouting at those dogs..By shouting at them I ended up in tears...so what the point is I DIDN'T RUN!!

2)Ok the second incident!!hmm Amma was in charge of my studies I remember I had a small yellow chair and a cut little desk neatly arranged in the corner of my brothers study room(Yahaan pe bhi boss tho who hi tha !!)..Those days my father was so short tempered so strict!!So what happened was one day he decided to teach me malayalam..He was kind of impatient too!!Those letters were dancing in front of me and I found it hard to write them..And my first letter in malayalam resemble some letter from urdu!!!My cool father shouted at me..but as u guys know I am sooo brave that I didnt cry but ended up wetting my chair...

soo the point here u have to note is that I was soo brave..I never fought with my friends at school but i think my brother was a bit naughty..The healed wound on my forehead brings back the memories of those days ,the days we spent at the quarters we lived..I had to get abt 10 stitches on my forehead when a blackboard landed safely on my forehead when I was 6 years old..But I didnt cry even after seeing my uniform being dyed with blood!! I just fainted !!I had the strength to control my emotions even when I was six ...

My father decided to take leave when he got a job offer from Fujairah..so we got shifted from vadakara to calicut..And we joined a school at calicut named LITTLE DAFFODILS!!I spent abt 9 years of my life there..I got my first enemy from there..She was the teachers pet till I joined!!Soon we started competing each other in each and ever field..be it academics or extra curricular activites!!I dnt know why she hated me so I hated her!!Our class teacher had to spent half of her time in solving our fights!! I dnt remember when those never ending fights finally found an end and when we became the best buddies!!

Those 9 years made me realize a lot of things about love,friendship,taught me what life is..

*Friendship if true will stay with u forever

*Trust is something that's hard to built but easy to break

*Friends can be backstabbers.The worst solitude is to be destitute of sincere friendship

*Teachers can be your friends can be your best friend too

*Honesty can solve any problem

*Infatuation:stuff of falling in love living in a rosy magical glow

*One little conversation may change things forever

*Friendship is a delicate thing like glass once broken it can be fixed but there will always be cracks

*Ego is the biggest enemy of humans..Best thing to do, is apologize and move on.

I had looot of happy moments and bitter moments...during those 9 years..I thought I made lot of friends but realized I was wrong!!Met lot of faces during those 9 years and there were only 2 among them tat didnt leave me..

The best days of my life was spent at Silverhills where I did my 11th and 12th...The beautiful and the most precious years of my life...A place that taught me what friendship is..what trust is..what life is...I faced lot of problems in my personal life during those years but school life was nothing but heaven..Those 2 years presented me with loooots of sweeet memories which I hold to my heart close.I dnt think my present college life can ever replace those 2 years...The friends I made during those 2 years make my life worthwhile today...Time has changed but not their friendship..I dnt know why god decided to take one of them with him to heaven..May be he got jealous...May be he wanted to see how strong I can be if he took a part of my heart...Didnt he know that I was brave atleast my amma knew it when I was a child!!Life was happy and content till he left us..U dnt have other option than to move on...

Few things those 2 years taught me and things I have learned so far....

*Dreams can become reality if u have faith in them

*Do what you want

*If its meant to be it will happen

*Never long for anyone in the past theres a reason y they never made it to your future

*We spent most of our time teasing our bestfriends,,cracking jokes on them,but once in a while tell them how special they are and make them feel special..to avoid regrets in future...

*Tears shed over the grave are for the things left unsaid and deeds left undone

*Sometimes you cant always see the pain someone feels...

*Its funny how you can get butterflies in your stomach,even though you have known the person for years...

*You cannot always wait for the perfect time sometimes you have to dare to jump

*Never judge people according to their appearance

*Words hurt more than anything else can!!

*Never expect anything in return for the deeds u do for others

*Smile at your problems...Spread happinness..Sadness flies away on the wings of time.

*There can be things we dont want to happen but have to accept things we don't want to hear but have to listen to....

That was my life so far...a life with a good mixture of happy moments..sad moments..Even though I know the fact is "ZINDAGI MIG ZARA"---life goes on.....but sometimes I wanna get lost from my life...I wanna get lost and I dont know why!!

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I know there is some kind of sadness in each posts I have done so far...Well this ones not among them..This post is about some fresh memories...This post is abt my first year days at my college.."All the characters in the post are imaginary..And If u feel any kind of resemblances with any them then its definitely ur fault..."
First scene
The Orientation class
Along with my parents i reached for the orientation class..which mainly gave a brief about the course i was to attend..wasn't really listening to those.as the principal was scaring telling the scheme of exams and the marks to be scored foe the internals if u dnt wish to be under..and then certain things about the college..he said especially when it rained the college looked stunning..Well i haven't seen anything beautiful so far..After the orientation class we were send for the classes..just those introduction sections where u have to remember all the details of ur family and convey them to ur friends..etc etc..
Welcome First years
Will I reach the college on time??
What about ragging?
How will be the new classmates and new teachers?
Muddled up with all these thoughts, I started my journey to the college..
For the first week..we were the most silent branch we EEE..It was just out of fear for the seniors..We were worried of the so called respected seniors..We never left the class..except for emergencies..For me the scariest part was to climb the stairs to the class alone in the morning..I felt the stairs were never ending..Whenever I heard someone calling i continued with steps faster with my head down..pretending I did not hear a word..

Slowly the seniors showed up..they wanted to be friends with juniors that's what they said..Whenever i saw any of my classmates being called..i buried my whole concentration into the notebooks {which had nth written in it)..And whenever i saw any senior pointing at me i used to rush to the library("ESCAPE!!!!")..One of my friend was asked to write poem describing the personality of the senior who called her..Finally my turn came..A second year "brother"(loll) called me..at first he asked me to sing to which i said no..(I have got such a magical voice..)..he was like he will make me sing or else i cant leave..i stood there..soon it was time for his class and he was getting late..so he had no other option but to leave asking me to by heart 4 lines of some song by tomorrow..For the next three days i was the prey for the guy..he made me write his and some of his friends name 10 times..he even tried to improve my singing talents..oh..he gave a demonstration first..till then i thought i was the worst singer..but no..even i had a competition..to keep myself from laughing was the hardest thing to do...there were lots of friendly seniors too...I remember a senior who was forced by his friends to meet the juniors..And this guy ended up asking the junior what questions is he supposed to ask..And some of the seniors had mind blowing questions for the juniors like if u place a fried fish and a dried one..which among them will a cat eat??I was given 2 days for solving this question..There was yet another senior who is my gud friend now whom I surprised my chatting in french(thanks to the translator in google lol)...he still thinks that am an expert in french...

First year life was burdened by loots and loots of assignments workshop logrecords..labs..and had nine papers...Engineering was equal to hell.....
We saw lots of friendship blossoming between seniors and juniors especially during election..By that time I knew most of the second years of our branch..Some of my friends knew seniors from almost all branches..And finally even I got the chance to meet some royal seniors when i met this friend of mine..She spend half of the first year in IT department and later got a branch transfer and joined the EEE department..She came with 2 of her friends who also wanted to join the rocking EEE..
I had heard from my friends that she was the famous firstyear..and soo even I was eager to meet her too..She was the last bencher..while i was the first..soon we managed to be the third benchers during S3..We were supposed to be freshers till the arrival of our juniors...Soon we became thick friends i dnt know we were thick friends until a royal senior gave such a verdict..As she was the favourite for the seniors..our combination was like magnet to troubles..whenever she was caught even i was..There was this fat guy in fact a very fat guy not with six packs but with a family pack..whom I had never ever seen emerged from nowhere..at first I thought he was the brother of some student..because he dint have the looks of a senior..he begged me for money..for having food..stating that he was getting thinner day by day..and his parents were worried of his health..Now theres this thing i cant do that's to control laughter ..But to laugh at that guy u need to have some braveness..seeing his size..u will forget even to smile..But when I saw how hard she was trying not to laugh I couldnt control..and I laughed..And I was blacklisted.. The only thing she did good was that she helped me in meeting a royal senior..I was a huge fan of this political hero of our college...She didnt do it purposefully..but things just worked out..hehe..The political hero wasnt a hero to be frank if u can call a guy who bathed once in a week and who wore the same shirts for two days..ah..nah nt that bad..lol..That was it soon my knight in shining armor,turned out to be a looser in aluminium foil!!!!I remember how much I trembled when he called me to get himself introduced..was "sweating like a cattle"..It happens when a senior calls me i lose my memory..i forget what exam i had attended tat time..even what my parents are..and my so called thick friend i dnt how she vanishes whenever a senior calls me..There was yet another royal guy who made all his attempts to impress her...but as he made the same attempts to all the gals he met..we knew the exact lines what he managed to say always..he he..We didnt know the names of most of the seniors so we found some names for them like geography in short geogu..who had looks that resembled a guy out of geographic channel,Mowgli..who looked exactly like the character of jungle book,Yellow ladoo..who looked like a ladoo in his same yellow shirt,..and lots more...

Now the cycle continues..A fresh pack of juniors..those royals and others are now in their final years..Today we laugh at the things we were asked to do when we see our juniors repeating the same..The best thing so far is the sweet gal...my thick friend..who assisted me in all those encounters with seniors..love ya gal..I still dnt know how u manage to vanish..its something I still haven't found out yet..
There are lots of such memories...its weird that am able to laugh at those things now..Most of the seniors are now friends..I guess that's what college life is about.

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I called them daddy and mummy as my amma called them so...And I took pride in calling them so..as no one ever had the chance in life to have both amma and mummy..
In my memory lane I just have a vague picture of a daddy in his 60's..I remember daddy and mummy visiting us at achan's quarters..He was a famous personality in our area..People had such love and respect for him..They talked about the favours he did..I remember my amma talking with such a huge respect for him..For her he was always the perfect dad..who loved their children to the core but never showed it though..I remember her saying though he was strict and he never liked his daughter to work..and wanted to see his daughter settled soon..he always knew what was right for his children..May be it was the respect for him I dnt know I was bit scared of him...But I was never scared of mummy..she is a gem of person..fragile kind of woman..who got nervous easily..and always got depressed quickly..She makes the worlds best pickles..she isn't good in cooking non-veg though..but her veg recipes are simply mouth-watering..I sometimes wonder how she puts up with daddy..there was this strange kind of love between them which I never really understood.
Our memories are steeped in smells, feelings and flavors..I Remember her lifting me up on the bathroom or kitchen sink..still feel that warmth..They lead a happy life during his retirement days..
Her role changed from wife to a mother again when daddy was hospitalised..She cared for him like a mother..took him for dialysis,bathed him and scolded him for not eating his food properly...Her whole life changed..but not the love they had for each other..slowly slowly daddy started losing his memory due to aging..he rarely remembered the name of his children..At times he woke up with a feeling that he was still the forest ranger..and would get up from his bed saying that he was going to his office... He never remembered my name nor my cousins but always remembered my brother's name..people never forget my brother's name..such a talented boy in academics.. very good at creative writing..and now doing his MBBS..ah blessed parents!!am a microbe in their eyes..ah there isn't a bitterness in those lines if u feel so am sorry..hmm..so there was no wonder why daddy never forget his name...He behaved as a kid those days..I remember my cousins asking him to repeat the words they said..he could not talk anymore.. walk anymore..Besides taking care of daddy mummy spent her time in gardening and looking after her pet dog..which we often referred to a 'Kroasian' i dnt know from where the word emerged..but he was a mix...mix of what that's still a mystery ..But Mummy was fond of him..
The day daddy left the world..we were worried of her..we were worried how she would digest the fact..may be the antidepressant drugs worked for her..but she was strong..the only thing she asked us was not to remove his bed..
The love she had for him was that of a mother..that of a sister..a wife..which still remains in her heart..Today she spends her time in gardening..looking after her pet dog..going through her wedding album..telling us how brave and strong he was..Her eyes reflected the love she had for him..
Those who love deeply never grow old; they may die of old age, but they die young.

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We all have spend time worrying about our future!!But there are some who have left it all in the hands of God!!They aren't worried of anything except for daily bread...When we feel hungry we buy food, when we feel our clothes or accessories are out of fashion we throw them away. Unfortunately these necessities of our lives are a luxury for some....
The reason behind this post is my encounter with a very young gal of my age..Only thing common between us was our age..She was carelessly dressed...a perfect beggar attire..She was much much much bold than me..though she was dressed in sari..she still had the look of a child..It was my friend who had noticed her for the first time..We found her near the roadside on our way back to home..She was seen arguing with an elder woman..and was mercilessly beating the old woman..Its hard 4 a normal person to witness the way they fight...My friend shrieked seeing the woman trying to hit other with a heavy stone..It was just their way..They quarrelled at each other 4 their daily earnings..but at then end of the day they were together...
Next day...we found her with two other woman and a man..it was as if they they had taken begging as a profession..and the roadside as their land..I couldn't take my eyes from her..She had the braveness or may be her fate myt have made her brave..She had no fear in sleeping there..I was depressed seeing the way she was sleeping there with lots of evil eyes staring at her..It was a depressing sight..Felt like piercing those eyes....
I witnessed the most depressing sight the next day...I found her with a younger gal.. of 14 or 15 years old...The depressing sight was the state of the gal..she was carrying a life inside her..she was pregnant..her pregnancy an act enforced on her not of her choice but now her responsibility and she is 14years old!! ...I felt numb seeing her..She still had that innocent looks..huh..What the hell is happening around us..???If this is their childhood, one can imagine what they would become as
adults. Something has to be done because the well being of innocent children is at stake..
I never found them after that day..The place where they stayed had bits of food and papers..But her image its still in my mind.. leaving me with a feeling of helplessness for I cannot do anything to change their lives.

She is neither my sister nor is my friend but I dont know why my heart still aches when I pass through the place..

"BITTER ARE the tears of a child: Sweeten them.
Deep are the thoughts of a child: Quiet them.
Sharp is the grief of a child: Take it from him.
Soft is the heart of a child: Do not harden it."

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Life is so beautiful that death has fallen in love with it, a jealous, possessive love that grabs at what it can

The only thing strange about life is its uncertainity.....
What happens after u leave the body...does ur soul wander??? or is there an after life??Does death gives one peace which u fail to get in life??What does it mean when u can still feel their presence??I am too curious to know abt these...May be the sudden departure of my Best friend..Aryan and recent departure of my grandfather have left me with such strange thoughts..How can you know abt it unless u have faced death face to face...??When we truly love, it is never lost. It is only after death that the depth of the bond is truly felt, and our loved one becomes more a part of us than was possible in life...When we lose someone we love we try to think of several reasons to keep ourselves balanced..to help us move on with our lyf..we imagine them to be with God..we think of them as god's favourite and we satisfy ourselves with the explanation that they are in heaven with gods and angels protecting them..they have completed their role in life and now its their time to rest in peace..All these reasons do help..and at times we wonder whether these reasons are valid enough!!Even i do have a belief that if the spirits like to contact you they appear in your dreams..And thats definitely a good thing..I consider dream as a link between their world and ours..I know you myt feel that am a crazy gal living with such stupid beliefs..These beliefs helps me a lot in moving on in life..And for me "Death should take me when I am in the mood"...I want to go on living even after my death.


When I think of death the only image that comes to my mind is that of a grim reaper..The Grim Reaper is a skeleton or solemn-looking man carrying a scythe, who cuts off people's lives as though he were harvesting grain..Grim Reaper, the black-cloaked, scythe-wielding personification of death. We all know exactly who he is and what he wants. He comes for every person, hourglass in hand, waiting for the last grain of sand to fall. When it does, he collects the soul with a well-practiced cut of his razor-sharp blade. It may not be a pleasant image, but it is clear and unmistakable...

The Bhagavan Gita, an important book for Hinduism talks extensively about the afterlife. Here, the Lord Krishna says that just as a man discards his old clothes and wears new ones; similarly the soul discards the old body and takes on a new one. In Hinduism, the belief is that the body is but a shell, the soul inside is immutable and indestructible and takes on different lives in a cycle of birth and death. The end of this cycle is Moksha or salvation.Buddhists maintain that rebirth takes place without an unchanging self or soul passing from one form to another.Christian Science teaches that the after-death state consists of a form of "probation" and spiritual development / progress whereby the experience of the deceased is in proportion to their ability to avail of the unlimited love of God.. Islam teaches that life lived on this Earth is a test for man to determine each individual's ultimate reward or punishment in the afterlife, which is eternal and everlasting.May be after your death you will be what you were before your birth.

Some say, "What is there to contemplate or prepare for? It's beyond our control. Our time will come and we will die — that is it.While there is time, we must take everything we can from life.When someone close to you dies, all you want to do is talk to them one last time. Is there life after death? I want to know that they're happy and well, free of the illnesses that killed them and, most importantly, I want to say 'I love you' one more time....

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Finally 2010 is here..New year new hopes..new dreams..a brand new year..

I hope this new year brings joy to all ur life...When i wave gudbye to 2009...theres a face that strikes in my mind to which i will never be able to bid farewell to...My forever sweet friend Aryan..

I had saved a post about him before..but didnt publish it though..you dont realise the value of a person in ur life unless u lose them..

I met him at silverhills where i did my 11th and 12th..first impression hmm pakka "BHUDHIJEEVI",friendly,teachers favourite...we did get along well..we shared each others sorrows and joys..he was there whenever i needed him..most of my classmates thought that we were in an affair..Dnt know y still people think a girl and boy can never be gud friends!!!..Aryan wasnt even bothered abt the talk at class..He said y to bother abt others when they are not the reason for our friendship..soon we became best friends..I had to keep myself update with the details of his new girlfriends..was always busy with mending ad building new connections..but he always had time for me..whenever i was troubled i knew a call to him would make things better..he always had lots of things to share..he never liked to end a call without making my call balance to zero..At times i felt he was stubborn,immature...

We maintained our friendship even after our 12th..he got into NIT for electronics and communications..Distance never kept us apart..The last time when i met him..as always he was cheerful..was on his way to railway station..he had lots to say but time was limited..he promised to meet next week..

Didnt get any call from him next week...but he did send random messages..scrapped me that he was busy with the exams and would call me once it gets over..On 24th he gave me 2 calls i couldnt pick it up..I was stubborn and decided to wait for him to call..but he didnt call me that day..On 25th I messaged him..and to my surprise i got reply quickly..he said he was missin the school life..after few messages i decided to call him...we talked for only 5 min..he talked abt his exams,even asked for my bday treat..and promied to be back in hostel b4 gettin late..the shortest converstion we ever had..he told me that he was waiting for the bus and he will call me back once he reach the hostel..didnt know that was the last time when I will be able to hear his voice...

26/12/09

Checked my mobile for aryans message..but was disappointed..left to college as it was the last day of our 3rd semester...most of the benches were empty as most of the students left to their native places...thought of goin back to home at noon..later decided to stay..I checked my mobile in the evening i found abt 10 missed calls..and 10 messages from my friend Aquina to call immedietly on seein the message..when i called her she just told me that aryan has met with an accident and it was serious..when i enquired abt the hospital name..she was silent..when I asked jer wat was wrong she said that".. he left us aryan left us..!!!!!"..I couldnt digest those words..I felt weak,difficult to breathe..,felt like everythin has come to a stop!!Like someone has stabbed me and the pain was killing me...I tried to memorize wat she had said.."that he was waitin for the train to go back to home..and it was an accident"..Tat didnt make any sense to me..I had talked to him the day before and he was at town and was waiting for bus to reach back to his hostel..

Slowly everything started to make sense..."SUICIDE!!!!"But how can he do that..he wasnt a weak hearted guy..When I was in the most difficult phase of life he was worried seein me depressed and he was the one who advised me to call a friend of him who was a psychiatrist...aryan advised me not to lose faith in lyf..he advised me to keep smiling at problems in lyf..And such a guy could never commit suicide..NO never...

I was late i couldnt even see his body...but nw i feel it was better not to..Bcoz now when i think of him I am able to see his pleasant face..U still remain as an enigma!!

...Days passed..but the wound in my heart it doesnt seem to heal...day by day the fact that he is nomore is growin weak...Even now every mornin when i get up I check my mobile for his message..Am still in the recovering stage..he never liked me gettin depressed..and I dnt want to hurt his soul.I miss him each and evry moment..This wasnt a gud end for u da..U didnt even give me a clue...I can still feel him..I know he is still watching me up there in heaven..and he is surely havin a gud time there..Myt now be the favourite of God..Keep smiling and be happy..We will sure have a gud time when we will meet from there..

"When we lose something that is precious to us, we are left with a feeling of sadness. Whether it is a precious friend or even a treasured object, the loss can be hard to bear. It is as if a part of you has gone missing. Throughout our life we amass collections of friends and treasured possessions. Having close relationships help us feel as if we are not alone in the world. When we lose someone or something that is precious to us, we may realize that there is a certain aloneness that can never be filled...When someone close to u voluntarily ends their lives your entire value system is put into question."

THE TIME YOU SPEND WITH A FRIEND IS NEVER LOST FOR IT FOREVER LIVES IN YOU

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